ownership

Today I moved to the front of my yoga class.

Literally.

I put my mat in the front row and sat down.

So why is this worthy of a blog post?

Well, let me tell you.

I have been a regular attendee of Amy's 5:30 vinyasa class at Yoga on Yamhill for about 2 1/2 months now, and when I started the class was hard. And I mean hard. I would have to rest about three times over the course of the 75 minute class, drink a whole bottle of water and by the time class was over, I had sweated through my shirt and my hair was matted to my forehead and neck. The class was  an intense workout.

Now, 2 1/2 months later, it is definitely still a workout, but I have gotten noticeably stronger and can make it through more and more classes with little to no rest.

And that's a big deal to me, because no matter how much I tell myself that I don't care what other people think, it's still hard to know that other people can see me when I am wobbly and can hardly stand up, let alone do a downward dog. I am definitely self-conscious of that, and I have a feeling it will never completely go away.

I don't like that I am self-conscious about it because there's nothing I can do about how I look when I am tired. So as part of my effort I decided that instead of hiding all the way in the back corner like I usually do, that I was going to move my mat to the front of the class and own my CMS.

And I did. Sure, my legs got wobbly during Warrior II and runner's lunge, but did I care? Nope. I made my modifications as needed, and I made it through class without taking a break, and it was great. Maybe the guy behind me noticed my wobbly legs, or maybe he didn't.

I know that I will always be a little self conscious, but I think that by doing things like going to the front of the class and focusing on yoga above all else, that over time it will get better and better.