just dance!

I have a new workout obsession: Just Dance 3! Josh and I bought it with some Christmas money we got from my grandparents and I have to say, it's been an effective way to get some daily exercise.

As you know, traditional work outs are hard for me. I can't go on runs, long walks take, well, a really long time, and I can't take full advantage of the equipment at a gym so make the cost of a membership worthwhile. So, for a long time I have depended on my weekly yoga classes and Exercise TV for exercise.

But after talking to my neurologist a few weeks ago, I realized I really need to get some cardio in at least a few days a week. So, the next morning I tried out the Just Sweat feature the game has.

In addition to the regular songs for fun, there is an exercise feature that allows you to start a workout routine. You can choose the sweat mode that is equivalent to 30 minutes of walking, swimming or running every day, and it chooses songs that have high "sweat factors" to get you to the daily goal.

So far it's been great for me. I get up 20 minutes earlier than normal and I dance for 20 minutes. At the end I am sweaty and tired, but I've found that it actually gives me more energy during the day, and except for the one day where my alarm didn't go off, I now get out of bed as soon as my alarm goes off.

If you own a Wii and are trying to figure out how to motivate yourself to workout, I really recommend Just Dance. I'm not coordinated at all, but the songs are more aerobic and after dancing to the same song a few days in a row my dancing has actually improved! Plus, I don't have to leave the apartment. Bonus!

I am hopeful that this will help me with my goal of walking a mile because it's making me healthier overall, which is important. The healthier I am, the stronger I'll be and the further I'll be able to walk as a result. But even if it doesn't help, at least I am having fun!

frustrations

For the most part I am upbeat and positive about having CMS. I accept my challenges and limitations and move on. But sometimes I have a really hard time accepting my disability.

I don't think I've mentioned this before, but when I start to get sick, stressed or overworked, I often experience something called a "Myasthenic Crisis." It's where my muscles get overly fatigued and doing normal activities like holding my arms up to brush my teeth, typing on the computer, or even breathing, are really difficult. It's a really scary experience and so when I start to feel one coming on, I have a panic attack to go along with it.

Well, I had one last week and it was not fun. I was at work too, to make it worse. I had been feeling really tired and worn down that week but I didn't have a lot of sick time at work so I tried to power through it. That wasn't the best idea, because at about 2 pm last Friday, it really hit me. I was having trouble typing, my eyes were droopy and it was hard to swallow. So I texted Josh and had him come get me. 


Two of the three crises I've experienced have landed me in the ER and left me with some hefty medical bills, (FYI, it's REALLY expensive to ride in an ambulance, even if it's only for two miles). and the worst part is  that going to the ER is that it doesn't make anything better. I go because I am having trouble breathing, but because my oxygen levels are always normal, they can't do anything for me except monitor me, and none of the doctors have ever heard of CMS so they don't understand what's even going on. So because it just turns into a really expensive nap, I was determined to get through this one without the hospital.

Anyway, Josh rushed downtown, picked me up and got me home. Being the most wonderful husband, he calmed me down, made me lay down on the couch and took care of me. Thanks to his calm reaction, I was able to avoid the hospital. Yippee!! But what I wasn't able to avoid was the next three days of resting. It usually takes me a few days, if not weeks, to get through a crisis. I pretty much have to avoid all physical activity and focus on taking naps, laying around a lot and doing breathing exercises to make sure I get enough oxygen and relax.

Going through a crisis is really scary and frustrating. I hate feeling so helpless. It makes me feel extremely vulnerable and it's a reminder that no matter how hard I try, my disability is something I can't just ignore.

But, a week later, I am feeling back to normal and so happy that I have such a great husband to support me. I even got out and did some walking yesterday, which is encouraging.

A winter milestone!

Well, folks, one year ago this weekend Josh and I left for our honeymoon cruise! It's hard to believe it has already been that long since we left for the beautiful Caribbean. Unfortunately, we don't have any tropical vacations planned for 2012. *sigh.*

Anyway, because it has been one year, I thought I'd share a milestone I reached recently.

I walked .7 miles!

In reality, it's only .1 miles further than I could walk this time last year, but I am excited for the following reason:

I could walk .6 miles in warm, tropical weather (ideal weather) but I can now walk .7 miles in cold, wintery weather!
Weather has a big effect on my ability to walk long distances. The colder it is, the harder it is for me to walk. So the way I see it, that .1 mile difference is actually more significant, and for that reason it is really encouraging. Sure, I was utterly exhausted when we got to the restaurant we were walking to, and I was pretty much relying on Josh to hold me up, but it was still me pick up my feet step after step.

When I think about how well I am doing in 35 degree weather, I get really excited about what I can accomplish when the weather warms up this Spring. Who knows, maybe I'll reach my goal in 2012! But I'm not going to press it because I don't want to be disappointed if I don't make my goal in whatever time period I give myself.

So that's why I am going to celebrate each milestone, even if it is just .1 mile per year. And if it's less, that's ok too.



It's all about baby steps, right?

Happy 2012!

ownership

Today I moved to the front of my yoga class.

Literally.

I put my mat in the front row and sat down.

So why is this worthy of a blog post?

Well, let me tell you.

I have been a regular attendee of Amy's 5:30 vinyasa class at Yoga on Yamhill for about 2 1/2 months now, and when I started the class was hard. And I mean hard. I would have to rest about three times over the course of the 75 minute class, drink a whole bottle of water and by the time class was over, I had sweated through my shirt and my hair was matted to my forehead and neck. The class was  an intense workout.

Now, 2 1/2 months later, it is definitely still a workout, but I have gotten noticeably stronger and can make it through more and more classes with little to no rest.

And that's a big deal to me, because no matter how much I tell myself that I don't care what other people think, it's still hard to know that other people can see me when I am wobbly and can hardly stand up, let alone do a downward dog. I am definitely self-conscious of that, and I have a feeling it will never completely go away.

I don't like that I am self-conscious about it because there's nothing I can do about how I look when I am tired. So as part of my effort I decided that instead of hiding all the way in the back corner like I usually do, that I was going to move my mat to the front of the class and own my CMS.

And I did. Sure, my legs got wobbly during Warrior II and runner's lunge, but did I care? Nope. I made my modifications as needed, and I made it through class without taking a break, and it was great. Maybe the guy behind me noticed my wobbly legs, or maybe he didn't.

I know that I will always be a little self conscious, but I think that by doing things like going to the front of the class and focusing on yoga above all else, that over time it will get better and better.

Back at it!

Well, it's been almost a year since I've posted anything on this blog, but I'm finally back! I was feeling disappointed when I didn't make my goal of walking a mile by the time we went on our cruise last January, so ending the challenge and the blog felt like the best option. But now that we're living in the city and walking a lot more, I am ready to start again!

I do a lot more walking than I used to now that we've move to Portland. It's partially because driving is a pain, but it's mostly because walking is so easy. We live within walking distance of a lot of great restaurants, cafes and shops that make it possible to walk more places. In fact, I know some people who get by without a car. 

Josh and I live at the top of a hill, and when we first moved into our apartment I was really nervous about being able to and from the bus stop. The blocks running East to West are twice as long as the North to South blocks, and the gradual incline made me really tired. It's really only 3 1/2 blocks from our place to the bus stop, but when I first started walking it, it felt much longer, and I could hardly get home after work. I had to ask Josh to meet me at the top of the hill a few times because I couldn't get up the stairs in our building on my own. I was even more nervous about it when I thought of how much harder it would be in cold weather. After all, who wants to sit and rest on somebody's front porch when it's pouring down rain? Not me!

I shouldn't have worried, because almost three months later, I hardly notice the hill. In fact, I could even walk further if I had to. I know this might not sound like a big deal, but I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to getting to and from places on foot. I don't like to tell a lot of people about my CMS because I am often met with soft eyes of sympathy, and I don't want sympathy. So, whenever I am invited somewhere by someone who doesn't know, I immediately check a map to see how far of a walk it is, if I have to change shoes, or if I have to find public transportation to get there, and then figure out if I want to tell them or not. That might sound like a lot of unnecessary anxiety, but often it's much better than the concerned eyes I am met with.

Anyway, now you know why being able to walk up our hill is so exciting for me. After just three months, my body has adapted to more regular physical activity, which makes me think that if I keep at it, I should have no problem with my challenge. It's exciting because I got these same results after spending a semester in Oaxaca, and that was only four months. Josh and I plan on living in our Portland neighborhood for at least a few years, so imagine how much stronger I'll get after a few years!